Bulgarian and anorexic I am Bulgarian. I am telling you this because a few years ago, there was very little information about anorexia in my country. People just thought it was not a real illness, that it was just girly stuff, and some kind of a way to get attention. I would like to share my story with you so I can warn girls not to make my mistakes. I was never really fat. When I was 16, I was very skinny so I decided to play sports to gain some weight. That's how I started doing fitness four times a week. I started eating more. I was feeling great because my body was not skinny anymore and it was very good looking. But after a year in the gym, I got injured and my doctor said I couldn't participate in sports anymore. The problem was that I didn't stop eating like I was still in the gym. I became chubby, but still not really fat. I had a boyfriend at that time. He was 8 years older than me and he had an ex girlfriend that he loved very much. I was forced to compete with her all the time if I wanted to get his attention. She was always the pretty Rose, the smart Rose, the slim Rose, the curly Rose, and so on and so on. She was older than me, a university student, an artist (she is a painter and I am a piano player). In few words, she was everything I couldn't be and she was skinny. He started telling me how he hated girls who ate all the time and that he didn't like my body. He told me that I had to stop eating so much or I would become really fat and things like that. He manipulated me in all the ways you can imagine. I didn't realize it then, but he was with me only because I looked like his precious Rose, only she was shorter than me. I have to say that I did love that guy and I was crazy about him. So I stopped eating. At first, nobody really noticed. I felt guilty when I ate something or when I even thought about food. So I decided not to eat until I become as skinny as he wanted me to be. Day after day, week after week, a month with no food. It was hard at first, but my body got used to not getting any food, so it all became easier. I was so happy! I lost 20 kilos but it still wasn't enough. My boyfriend kept telling me how pretty I had become and how proud he was of me. I thought that if I started eating again, I would lose him. Then one day, I fainted in school. By that time, my mom and dad were very worried with the way I looked because I looked like an anatomy manual. My mother started talking to me, asking me what was wrong, why I was not eating, and if I had any problems. She took me to the doctor but nobody really paid any attention. They all thought I was on a diet and that I have gone a bit too far with it. They thought that it would all go away and they thought that my mother was over reacting. They said that there was nothing to worry about. I was taken to the hospital and was forced to admit how long I hadn't eaten anything. It was 3 months. In that time, I had eaten only 4 apples and a strawberry. The doctors said they would feed me. I was put on a diet in the hospital and when I gained about 4 kilos, they released me. But it was all a lie. I ate just to make them let me go. After I got out of the hospital, it all started again. Overweight people started to disgust me. I laughed at them and called them weak. I didn't realize that I was the weak one. Two weeks after I got out of the hospital I fainted again. My mother started reading about anorexia and took me to a psychiatrist. I spent hours every day with that woman. She really helped me understand that I wasn't fat at all. I was manipulated into thinking that I was fat because my boyfriend was afraid that if I found out that I was really pretty, I would leave him. She explained to me what anorexia is. It is a real illness, not something that was made up by my mother's imagination. Bit by bit I started eating again and I regained my self esteem, but it took a long time. I went to the Music Academy and became a piano teacher. Most important, I dumped the man who made me think that I wasn't worthy of him. I met a great guy and now, I am a proud mother of a 3 Although I still find slim people beautiful, I am not obsessed with it anymore. I have 8 kilos to lose to get back to the weight that I was before I got pregnant, but I am not on a diet and I am not getting upset if I can't lose a kilo a month. I eat anything I want now and I am really proud of myself. Please girls, don't let anyone manipulate you by telling you that you are fat or chubby. Even if you are, there are many guys who like chubby girls and don't like the skinny ones. You don't need to ruin your health just to please someone who doesn't want you the way you are. You must be loved for who you are. As my mother says, " there is a passenger for every train."
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