I'm Afraid For Him, My boyfriend and his bulimic disorder

I'm Afraid For Him

Hi, I need help! I keep falling apart and breaking down. The only time I've ever cried in public (past the age of 5) has been my mother's funeral and in the mall when my boyfriend refused for the 100th time to even consider that he's bulimic.

He has admitted to me before that he is bulimic, and he doesn't deny throwing up everything he eats. He told me that he's been bulimic for 5 years, and it's been about a year since he said that. I also had his little sister telling me that he was bulimic in high school and was wondering if he was still throwing up. It was pretty hard to tell her that he is.

He was over 200 pounds when he entered high school, he is now pure muscle and 135 pounds. The pictures of him in Sept. 2006, and June 2007, at his high school graduation look like complete strangers because of the massive weight loss.

He replaced almost his entire wardrobe about 2 years ago. Only 2 pairs of pants fit him properly, and he bought one of those two about 8 months ago. Everything else is too big. But he still says he's fat and that he needs to diet.

"Diet" to him, when I met him last year, meant not eating for two weeks and throwing up. Now, it means just throwing up the one meal a day he'll eat. When he does eat, he eats more than his body can handle, so it'll be easier to puke. He's so much as said this to me. He'll also use drinking as an excuse to purge.

I've taken to waiting for him to tell me to eat, because if I don't eat when he tells me to, or if I don't eat with him, he won't eat. Granted, when he eats, he eats well. He's vegetarian so he'll eat steamed veggies and japanese rice with tofu, no dessert. Honestly, he says it's about weight, but he's so skinny. Sometimes, I think I'll break him (I'm 5'1 and 113lbs.). It's stress though, and he stresses about a lot. And when I tell him to please eat, or please don't throw up tonight, but he's already stressed, it stresses him out more and he gets angry.

He's not violent or anything, except towards himself. When he's upset with me he always says that "because you did that, I'm not eating for two days." And if I don't back off, or if I try to hug or kiss him, the days multiple. It scares the sh*t out of me.

He's in school to be a nurse, and I'm afraid they'll do a psychological exam and he'll fail. I'm afraid he's going to destroy his digestive system and his body. I'm afraid he's going to end up in the hospital. I'm afraid that this could end our relationship. I'm scared that I'll revert to old habits or new bad habits to deal with my own stress over this!

I really hate spilling my guts to strangers and dumping all my problems on them, but this will hold me back from something I could regret. So, thank you and I'm sorry.

Sushi~