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How to Deal with Your Family if They Do Not Accept Your Date

Dating and finding the right man or woman is difficult enough but when it comes to a bi-racial relationship it can be even more problematic if your family and/or friends are not supportive of the person you have chosen to date. Choosing to date an individual who is of a different race or different ethnic group will present problems if your family is not of the belief that opposites when it comes to race and social/cultural backgrounds should date, marry and have children.

It is necessary to ask yourself how important it is to you for your family to accept your date. While some of your loved ones may be okay with your bi-racial relationship, others may say they are but they then will act uncomfortable when you bring your date home and they may find themselves making comments that are inappropriate. Sometimes people believe they are being supportive and perhaps they want to be but they still cannot get beyond their racial prejudices.

It is important to keep in mind that your parents might have grown up at a time when bi-racial dating was not acceptable and youngsters were cautioned to “stick to their own race” when it came to dating, romance, intimacy, marriage and having children. Back in the 1950s and 1960s young people were encouraged to date and marry a person who was of the same race, religion, culture and socioeconomic background. For some people “old habits die hard” and as the years pass they adhere to the same ideas and want their children to follow their example. In fact up until 1967 many states in the United States had laws against bi-racial marriage (such as the well-known example of Loving vs. Virginia in the year 1963).

To deal with the situation talk to your parents and attempt to understand where they are coming from in regards to their past experience and their point of view. This is not an easy thing to do but when you love people you will try to comprehend their mindset. It is tempting to feel resentful and angry towards your parents but keep in mind that they love you and want what is best for you. Your parents have your best interests at heart and for that reason are being protective of you. It is very likely that you are confused and perplexed by your parents’ ideas and they are uncertain about yours as well. It is essential to keep open and honest communication with your parents and to explain how you feel about your date and to discuss the differences in your points of view.

Talk to your date about the situation as well and give some background to the views of your parents. Remember that what seems narrow minded to you might seem very real and perfectly fine to your mother and father. More than likely it is not personal on your family’s part but deeply ingrained attitudes that have become a part of their psyche.

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