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Dealing With Your Ex-Spouse After Divorce After all of the hurt feelings, disagreements, and tears, it is time to close this painful chapter in your life and start a new one. When it comes to dealing with an ex spouse after the divorce, it can be difficult and frustrating. Follow the tips below to manage conflict and make dealing with your ex less agonizing for everyone involved. Stay on Topic Work on keeping conversations with your ex on the topic at hand. It is common for former spouses to rehash the history of the marriage, and play the blame game. If either one of you does this, steer the discussion back to what you began talking about. If this doesn’t work walk away and try to talk about it in a few days. Respect Your Ex Don’t criticize them if you don’t like their choices or their lifestyle. Don’t make excuses. If you have children, find ways to respect the other parent and the choices they make. If you respect your ex, they will become more respectful towards you. Impersonal is Best Keep dealings with your ex as impersonal as can be. Phone, email, and text messages are better options than face to face meetings. This will reduce the exposure to negative interactions between the two of you. Take Responsibility Be honest about how you contribute to the conflict. Ask yourself the following questions: Do you criticize, disrespect, or have high expectations of your former spouse? Remember that you cannot change your ex, and you can’t control what they do. Agree or not to Agree? Whenever possible, try to agree with your ex spouse’s suggestions. The concept of give and take applies not only to marriage, but also to divorce. Finding common ground is necessary to avoid conflict. Be Willing to Communicate Never refuse to talk to your ex spouse if they need to speak with you about an issue pertaining to your divorce or the children. As long as they approach you in a respectful manner, and are not abusive, speak with them civilly. It is normal and understandable if there are hurt feelings and bad memories still associated with your ex spouse. However, it is important for both of you, and any children involved deal with each other in a stress free and civil manner after the divorce.
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