Do you still know who you you are without your partner? What were you like before you met your partner? What kinds of things did you enjoy doing that you don't do anymore? Have you lost touch with an integral part of yourself as you morphed into a couple? Is it time that you got back into touch with that person you used to know and understand?
It's important not to lose yourself in another. We live alone and we die alone. When life presents great challenges at some point, we meet these as the individuals we truly are. It is important that we hang on to our knowledge of who that individual is.
Here are some ways to get in touch and stay in touch with the person you really are:
- Keep a personal journal. Write in it daily.Write in it from a deeply personal level. Fill it with your wants, desires, thoughts, fantasies, prayers, hopes and dreams. Keep it locked and hidden where your
partner can't find it and question you about the things that are revealed
in it. It's a private place where you can totally be you.
- Take yourself on dates. Go out by yourself on a Saturday afternoon.
Just enjoy your own company, thinking your own thoughts, as you go to
an art museum, browsing through an old book store, hiking through the
woods, or taking a walk on the beach. Go to the movies by yourself.
Have a meal at a restaurant that you don't go to as a couple because
your partner doesn't like that type of food. If you don't already enjoy your
own company, you soon will.
- Take up a new hobby you've been thinking about or return to an old one
you've set aside because your partner wasn't interested in it. Discover
or rediscover something that you alone like to do simply because it
it gives you pleasure whether its golf, scrapbooking or digital
photography. Make sure your partner knows you don't expect or even
particularly want a partner in this solo venture.
- Go on a spiritual retreat. Reaffirm your oneness of spirit with your
higher power. Retreats are listed by state on the Internet. You can
choose a retreat where you are left alone and don't even have to
speak, or one where you share with other retreatants. Most are open
to people of all faiths and cultures.
- Go away to a spa. A few days alone of face peels, massages, pedicures and being generally pampered can help you get back in touch with the
woman you were before you became the woman in charge who knows
where everything is and how to keep the house running. That woman
would like a little time and attention once in a while too. Stop
- Reconnect with old friends. Was it really necessary to leave all
your single friends behind when you became half of a couple?
You may want to re-established friendships with some of those
people who got left behind.
- Make new friends that are just your friends and not "our" friends.
All your friends don't have to be couples. You may develop
new friendships based on common interests or affiliations that
are not couple friendships.
- Take a mini-vacation by yourself. Even four days alone just reading,
writing, eating when you feel like eating, and sleeping when you're
tired--not when it's time for bed--can help you rediscover yourself.
Encourage your partner to take a few days for his/her self too.
Separate vacations can spark a relationship and aren't the bugaboo
people joined at the hips think they are.